I don't know, maybe it's because I'm getting older? I know I'm not really behaving like one sometimes and that's what many of you think too! Like I'm childish and being immature at this age!
But actually do think alot at times about the future, and about what I really want! I reckon this will be another random rant by me but I don't know man, I just gotta drop some thoughts somewhere and this is the best place I guess. No, it is the best place!
So in about like 11 days, I'll be finally out of the army! Finish serving my 2 years!
And then, I'll be heading to study for 2.5 years over at SIM doing Marketing!
It's kinda like a twist in my life cause I didn't expect or plan to further study at first until recently, and I don't know whether is it because I don't know what I'm going to do yet, thus I channeled myself to study or purely because I really think that having a degree is important (which I still don't really think so, okay maybe to certain extent but not like without it you can't survive, as I think having a skill is also important as well).
But so much so, I've decided to study and I shall go with it and try my best!
Life have been really unsettled for me, like relationship for instance, I don't know am I expecting too much or what, as there are people who are really nice to me yet when feelings doesn't click and isn't there, it doesn't work and I don't think its right to lead people on if you don't like them or to be together with them for benefits or whatever!
And for blogging, I've been blogging for so many years now, and of course, many new bloggers are popping out as years past and I'm really glad and feel super fortunate that I'm still around going strong with people still reading and supporting me!
I know my content is getting pretty stale lately and actually I sometimes do question myself whether I'll still be able to blog that frequent when I start studying or even when I start working? Or will people still be reading me by that time?
Sometimes I also do question myself on why am I still acting like a kid!
I know I look like one and act like one at times but the thoughts and stuff that I've been going through and thinking through is far much more than that! I know some of you people totally can't get it, just because I don't portray that out but that doesn't mean I'm immature and all!
I know some haters or even those really like me, want to see a different me, a more mature me! They hate to see me having all the cutesy moment, pose or in the videos!
I know cause I'm 22 now, I know its time for me to do something!
Like I can't be like this till I'm 30 right?
All this is starting to confuse me cause I wanted to change but another part of me still don't want to! I still wanna dress like the way I dress and play and have fun like the way I do now! And I still can do it because I don't look like my age, and that's the reason why I'm still doing it!
Sometimes I also wonder why do people wanna be famous or go after fame that badly?
You know, if there's a chance to start all over, I wouldn't want it (maybe because I've had experienced it, that's why?). Not like I'm really famous now but... semi? Okay or maybe a quarter-famous? Cause I hope I can do things quietly without people noticing!
It's just like you can't dress really sloppy out because people will judge and comment that "why does typicalben look like that in real life". I mean you all can say why bother about what people think but yes, I'm bothering cause I'm conscious of myself!
I really find it super fake people always say 'why bother about what people think', when everyone somehow will be bothered by what people say about them!
And the only way is to get used to it, like me! I'm already very used to people saying me feminine, gay, act cute and stuff like that and it doesn't affect me anymore!
Oh! Another thing is about paying my school fees!
The other I was stressed up on how do I pay that 24k of school fees man! Pretty much a huge sum for me and I guess bank loan is only the way! And I'll slowly pay back when I start working!
I don't know how long this blog is going to last! I only know it will last really long if I don't work and be a full time blogger (which I doubt I can cause I'm still not earning that much from blogging yet, and by that much meaning at least 2-3k a month).
Or maybe it's possible too if my hits suddenly go up to ten over thousand from a thousand plus now!
Hahahahaha! Okay! I'm sleepy already! Nights!
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